Too Big To Exercise

For many years I held this belief.  The thought of going to a gym or exercise class was horrifying. There would be other people there, and what would they think seeing me there?  

How about biking?  I was sure I was too big for a bike seat. I wouldn’t be able to pedal a bike with enough speed to keep from tipping over, and even if I could manage it I was sure they didn't make a bike sturdy enough to sustain my weight.  

Although swimming was an activity I truly enjoyed as a child until I hit the self-conscious teen years, I was certain I would never swim again in my life because I'd rather be caught dead than in a bathing suit.  Not even my children saw me in a swim suit in the privacy of our own backyard with the sprinkler going.  

Around age 20 I enjoyed canoeing and even owned a canoe.  But now?  What a sight that would be, and who would be brave enough to even try it with me?

Although I loved flowers and talking gardening with others, I couldn't kneel and regain my footing again to actually do any. Besides, I didn't want to be seen stooping with my huge rear end stuck up in the air!  Even taking a walk around my neighborhood seemed like something I should not subject other people to seeing.  This old joke totally applied to me:  If you see me running you'd best be running, too, because there's something scary chasing us!

It was spring around the time I had lost about 30 pounds, and having just moved into new townhouse a few weeks earlier I wanted to check out the neighborhood's park which couldn't be reached by car.  So I set out to find the park but headed back home winded and aching legs and ankles after going just a few blocks.  But back at home in my recliner I decided feeling the sun and gentle spring breeze on my skin was pleasant, and I would try to reach the park in a few days.  I'm not sure what was motivating me, but the third time I set out I reached the park and sat on a bench by the sandbox area; I was worried though about my legs carrying me all the way back home.  And little by little I’d get out walking over my lunch hour or before dinner so that by fall of that year I could consistently make a one-mile loop through my neighborhood.

One day I met a fellow over-weight friend for lunch, and she was excited about going on a beach vacation planned and paid for by her grandparents as a small family reunion.  Surprised, I said "How can you go to a beach like that and not swim in the ocean?"  She understood what I meant immediately and carefully responded that regardless of her size she was not going to miss the opportunity to swim in the ocean.  "I know you're thinking about what my family will all say, but I've decided not to care."  She was brave, followed through, and seemed to really enjoy the vacation.  

I think that was the turning point where I began mulling over in my head the dilemma of being too fat to participate in activities that would actually help me feel better and perhaps even lose weight.   Other people would see me, and what would they say?  But I started noticing more and more large-sized people engaged in outdoor activities and felt a little envious. Maybe I, too, could care a little bit less about what others thought of me.  And exactly who were "they" anyway?

That winter I started having a personal trainer come to my house once weekly.  This was a huge step but I started to feel stronger and more confident within weeks.  I kept it up, and also added an indoor fitness bike in my TV room, riding it in 5-minute stints that turned into 30 minutes within a few months.

Next spring I hit the sidewalks and trails again, and then by mid-summer I was successful at walking the two miles to my office and asking someone to give me a ride home afterwards.  I started to listen to podcasts, TedTalks or audio books which added to the experience.  

Mid-summer I had the idea to find a three-wheeled bike and strangely enough, the first specialty bike shop I called had one!  Bill's Bicycle Shop in St. Paul had a used trike with electric assist, alleviating some of my fears that I wouldn’t be able to handle hills or would tire too quickly to get myself home. It was hard to pedal but before too many tries I was able to ride it around a loop in my neighborhood to visit garage sales and even to the grocery store and back (the back basket came in handy!)

I often had to remind myself to hold my head up and cut short the voices in my head cat-calling and tsk-tsking about what an obese woman looked like out trying these activities.  Many times I’d hear people make judgmental comments as I walked by, but the shouts out of car windows while I was riding my trike were the worst. Some days those voices would get the better of me, and I'd decide to stay in, but often enough I went ahead anyway and soon found it getting easier and easier to not care what I looked like when others saw me.  Instead I felt some pride that at least I was doing something with a semblance of healthiness to it. 

For the past two summers I’ve walked two miles to and from work several times per week or to a store or restaurant.  And I’ve rekindled my love of swimming and am grateful my townhome community has a wonderful pool just blocks away. Last summer I upgraded my trike to a two-wheeler and can ride an invigorating six miles.  I participate in a small group fitness class once a week with a 3Click Fitness trainer and really miss it if my schedule doesn’t allow it.  And I went canoeing twice with my kids in August-- so cool!

It’s all been so worth it.  Since losing so much weight (159lbs now) I'm naturally more active and love it.  When I don’t get active on a daily basis I feel like my day is lacking.  And most of the time I don't even think about the fact that I'm exercising-- I'm just out enjoying the day, relaxing, or getting from one place to another.  Has this activity helped me lose weight?  Yes, I think so. But equally important are the other benefits that include increased strength and stamina, stress relief, and sunnier moods.