Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone

If three years ago someone had asked me to go swimming off a catamaran in the ocean off a St. Thomas beach, down 157 feet in a submarine in Barbados, or zip-lining in the rain forest of St. Lucia I would have laughed and deflected.  And as soon as I was alone I would have sobbed.  At my highest weight. thoughts of going on such a trip and engaging in physical, public activities like these did not seem at all possible.  And frankly I didn’t even think I had any desire to do such things.

Fast forward to October 2016 when not only did I enjoy going on a 7-day Caribbean cruise,  I felt confident and strong enough to do all three of these shore excursions not to mention walking 22,000 steps around the beautiful but hot and humid San Juan before embarking on the cruise.

That's me waving on the return catamaran trip

Weeks before the cruise I had already registered and paid for the submarine trip and the catamaran excursion.  I was concerned about the ocean swim in particular because based on the trip promotional overview I knew I would need to pull myself up a steep ladder when getting out of the water.  For weeks I worked my legs on stairs, doing squats and telling my personal trainer about my concern.  But when the horn sounded that day signaling it was time to return to the catamaran, I took off swimming against the waves all the way out to it and easily climbed up the ladder.  I felt terrific, like I had really taken a big step in coming out of a shell. My face wasn't big enough for my smile on the trip back in the breeze, spray, music and sunshine.

Going down in a submarine was something I had always wanted to do, and I was very excited about it while at the same time being concerned about boarding down a small ladder and being in cramped quarters once inside.  Neither of those proved to be problems at all now, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.  I did, however, realize that had I been 300+lbs it would have been a very different story. Even crossing an unsteady plank between the boat that took us out into the ocean and the raised sub would have been harrowing and likely embarrassing because previously I wasn’t very steady on my feet under normal conditions let alone in a boat rolling in ocean waves. And I doubt I could have fit down the portal and ladder to descend into the sub.

The zip-lining in the rainforest came about as a spur of the moment whim.  During the “at sea” day on the ship I went to hear about the upcoming ports and activities in them, and the cruise director Marcelo (in his sexy accent) told the audience that when we got home we probably wouldn’t remember what we ate, the onboard entertainment or how we were being pampered by the crew.  But he said what would be remembered for a lifetime was doing something exciting that out of our comfort zone, that pushed our limits a little.  Then he offered a 20% discount on shore excursions, and I signed myself and my son for the zip-lining trip in St. Lucia.

 Needless to say I was very nervous as the hour grew near for this trip.  We left the port on a small open-air “bus” that wound for 30 minutes along narrow and winding roads to the base of the rainforest.  When we arrived we were suited up in a harness with clips and a handle that weighed 10lbs as well as a helmet.  It was at some point during this prep time that I asked the guide whether and how I would be able to come down if I ultimately decided I couldn’t do it, and I was politely but firmly told that was not an option, that there was no other way down.  Yikes. Lots of deep breaths and faking confidence.

After a 30+ minute informative trip up the mountain in a gondola, touring through the many layers of the rainforest we were dropped back off at the base of a hiking trail. First order of business was instructions on how to zip and stay safe, and we did a practice zip.  I found it much easier than I was expecting, and although I doubt my landing on the opposite platform was very graceful, I did it without losing my footing or getting injured in any way. 

Next we hiked up the trail a ways with two guides, both women, to the first of eight different zip-lines.  At this point I understood how there was no alternative to going ahead with the zip lines. My second zip-line trip across the beautiful sights below me was downright fun, and by the third zip I felt compelled to let out my inner Tarzan yell!  

There was one surprise I had not expected as we climbed up to a platform where a rope dangled over a ravine instead of zip line wires.  My heard started pounding rapidly, and I suddenly felt very hot as the guides explained we would be grabbing the rope to swing across to the other platform!  I did not believe I was strong enough to do it and pictured how I would be dangling there awkwardly between the two platforms thirty feet above the ground.  My son went first, easily making it to the other side, and the guides teased him about his “sexy landing.”  A few of the others in our group went next, and two of them struggled a little bit when they reached the opposite platform; I realized that if I didn’t go then I might go into panic mode.  What a leap of faith that was!  But in mere seconds I got to the other side and landed where I was supposed to be!

 I'm in the middle with sunglasses.

Later that afternoon when I got back to the ship in a hot and sweaty mess I was smiling big time.  What a wild and exciting experience!  It sounds hokey, but I now believe that saying about how really begin to feel alive when you fight through fear like I did that day.  I’m so very thankful that I was now living in a smaller body with the strength and confidence to allow me to not only do these activities but to have so much fun doing them!   

Marcelo was right; I’ll always remember these onshore excursions and the milestones they represented for me. I hope I’ll continue to be open to new experiences in the future, even if they’re out of my comfort zone.

SAY NO TO VACATION WEIGHT GAIN

For as long as I can remember taking vacations I’ve always dreaded stepping on the scale when I got home.  Not anymore!  I’ve now proven to myself that it’s very possible to go on vacation, and a cruise no less, without post-trip weight gain and that “blah” feeling. My cruise in October was 7-nights to the Caribbean with Carnival Cruise Line with five ports of call.  This was my first cruise vacation and after all the weight I had been successful at shedding, I was nervous about how I could stay true to my food plan and avoid gaining.

Perhaps what I learned can help others maneuver through a cruise and travel without suffering when they return home.

First is figuring out how to get food close to your plan and meal times when traveling by air and avoid resorting to snacks and vending machine style foods. The first leg of my trip included long flights from the Midwest to Newark, and then on to San Juan.  My plans included eating my normal breakfast, and then having a modest salad lunch with protein at the airport before boarding. Then during the lay-over I had a marvelous seafood stew which set me up well for the night even though we didn’t arrive at our hotel until 2am.   A great mantra in these situations is to remember that hunger is not an emergency!

On the day I had to return home I again had my normal breakfast, but the food choices at the San Juan airport were more limited.  My solution was to share an entrée with my travel companion and eat the portions of it that were appropriate for my food plan. A bigger challenge was getting an evening meal in when my layover was just a few minutes, but I there was a little convenience store that sold packaged salads and fruit so I chose a bean salad that had a few greens in it and an apple.  I ate these after boarding the plane, and I was able to stay satisfied with that until I got home about 10pm.  Obviously a good strategy might be to pack a meal or two to take along, but I wanted to avoid this for a few reasons. First is that I don’t like eating in an airplane seat as it just doesn’t feel like I’m having a meal. Second is I want to keep the stuff I need to keep track of and worry about dragging onto the plane at a minimum. 

Unique salad of beets, grapefruit, radishes and a sprinkle of blue cheese did not need the creamy dressing 

On the cruise I’d advise you eat most of your meals in the formal dining room rather than at the plentiful buffets.  I even ate most of my breakfasts in the formal dining room where it was easy to navigate the mostly al-a-carte menu to put together just the right combination of protein, a half-bowl of oatmeal for a grain and a great selection of fresh fruits. The dinner menu in the formal dining room was a little different each night but always included at least one appetizer, or “starter” item, that was compliant with my food plan including some totally amazing salads of unique combinations. The wait staff was generally versed in how the salads were dressed so I could avoid sugar and too much oil; balsamic dressing was always an option, and some salads didn’t actually need any dressing at all.  

The entrée portions were generally reasonable or even a little small which worked perfectly for me. I had a different meal every evening.  I ate lot of seafood and fish including salmon, sea bass, scallops and large shrimp, and I would estimate the portions to weigh in between 4-6oz of protein. Most entrees included at least a nod to vegetables but often the portions were comically small so I almost always had to ask for an additional portion plus order a side vegetable such as green beans off the menu.  If the entrée had potatoes or rice I asked the staff to leave it off, and if they failed to I just pushed it aside. Desserts?  Of course the menu included some interesting and decadent choices!  Yes, I did look at the menu and twice on the trip I did order fresh fruit as a dessert, but most nights I just sat back and enjoyed another glass of iced tea. Overall my dinners were fabulous, and it was very enjoyable to have someone else prepare, serve and clean up afterwards!

While there are healthy options at the buffets such as the “build your own omelet” bar at breakfast and the Mongolian stir-fry at lunch, you do need to pay attention to quantities and cooking methods.  Watching other omelets being made I realized that the chefs were using the equivalent of three eggs and sizeable portions of cheese, but they just coated the pan with cooking spray rather than using added oil. When it was my turn I asked to have less eggs and two pinches of cheese (which gave the chef a chuckle after he understood what I meant).  At the stir-fry bar I was able to fill a bowl with a combination of vegetables I liked and avoided the dollops of sauces that most always are laden with both oil and sugar.  But when I ate the finished meal I was surprised how greasy it was. Later I learned they cooked the stir-fry in oil unless you ask them to use broth instead.

I also tend to avoid buffets because it’s way too easy to end up with more than you need on your plate and to over-eat.  Even if I’m able to scope out the offerings at the buffet ahead of grabbing and filling a plate, I run into trouble, ending up with too much veggies or choosing a side dish that looked compliant with my food plan only to find it tasted sweet, included hidden items like raisins, or was very oily. And having to wait in a line and having so many people behind you grabbing and reaching seems to fuel my angst at getting through the buffet smartly.  A few tips for the buffet are to stick to the one-plate rule and one trip only, realize that you might pick up something that ultimately you won’t eat so it’s best to fill the bulk of your plate with known items such as salad or steamed veggies, and go up to the buffet to check out all the options so you can plan what you’re going to take to form your meal.

When on a cruise you can make a call to the kitchen to ask a few questions.  This is how I learned how the stir-fries were being made and what accommodations I could ask for. Even when I had to ask a lot of questions of the waitstaff I felt they were always patient and accommodating.

Mufungo in San Juan at a local cafe

I was always successful at not snacking, even when it meant passing up an opportunity to try a sample of something such as traditional sugar cake on the island of St. Kitt’s.  But I did eat a few lunches in the ports and was anxious to try the local cuisine like this Shrimp Mufungo made with mashed plantains that I shared with my travel companion.  Did I feel I was missing out sometimes?  Sure, a little, but I kept reminding myself how far I’ve come to screw up now!

If you have strategies to be successful sticking to a healthy eating plan on vacation please share them since I plan on going on many more trips now that I know I can do it and avoid suffering weight set-backs.

I Won $2,565 By Losing Weight

Look at that check!  

I found a way to make real money by doing something I should and need to do anyway.

I'm busy spending this on a special event for myself, but soon I'll provide more details about how I ended up getting this really sweet paycheck of $2,565 for losing 65lbs in 8 months in 2016.

And most importantly, how you can get a paycheck of your own!

Too Big To Exercise

For many years I held this belief.  The thought of going to a gym or exercise class was horrifying. There would be other people there, and what would they think seeing me there?  

How about biking?  I was sure I was too big for a bike seat. I wouldn’t be able to pedal a bike with enough speed to keep from tipping over, and even if I could manage it I was sure they didn't make a bike sturdy enough to sustain my weight.  

Although swimming was an activity I truly enjoyed as a child until I hit the self-conscious teen years, I was certain I would never swim again in my life because I'd rather be caught dead than in a bathing suit.  Not even my children saw me in a swim suit in the privacy of our own backyard with the sprinkler going.  

Around age 20 I enjoyed canoeing and even owned a canoe.  But now?  What a sight that would be, and who would be brave enough to even try it with me?

Although I loved flowers and talking gardening with others, I couldn't kneel and regain my footing again to actually do any. Besides, I didn't want to be seen stooping with my huge rear end stuck up in the air!  Even taking a walk around my neighborhood seemed like something I should not subject other people to seeing.  This old joke totally applied to me:  If you see me running you'd best be running, too, because there's something scary chasing us!

It was spring around the time I had lost about 30 pounds, and having just moved into new townhouse a few weeks earlier I wanted to check out the neighborhood's park which couldn't be reached by car.  So I set out to find the park but headed back home winded and aching legs and ankles after going just a few blocks.  But back at home in my recliner I decided feeling the sun and gentle spring breeze on my skin was pleasant, and I would try to reach the park in a few days.  I'm not sure what was motivating me, but the third time I set out I reached the park and sat on a bench by the sandbox area; I was worried though about my legs carrying me all the way back home.  And little by little I’d get out walking over my lunch hour or before dinner so that by fall of that year I could consistently make a one-mile loop through my neighborhood.

One day I met a fellow over-weight friend for lunch, and she was excited about going on a beach vacation planned and paid for by her grandparents as a small family reunion.  Surprised, I said "How can you go to a beach like that and not swim in the ocean?"  She understood what I meant immediately and carefully responded that regardless of her size she was not going to miss the opportunity to swim in the ocean.  "I know you're thinking about what my family will all say, but I've decided not to care."  She was brave, followed through, and seemed to really enjoy the vacation.  

I think that was the turning point where I began mulling over in my head the dilemma of being too fat to participate in activities that would actually help me feel better and perhaps even lose weight.   Other people would see me, and what would they say?  But I started noticing more and more large-sized people engaged in outdoor activities and felt a little envious. Maybe I, too, could care a little bit less about what others thought of me.  And exactly who were "they" anyway?

That winter I started having a personal trainer come to my house once weekly.  This was a huge step but I started to feel stronger and more confident within weeks.  I kept it up, and also added an indoor fitness bike in my TV room, riding it in 5-minute stints that turned into 30 minutes within a few months.

Next spring I hit the sidewalks and trails again, and then by mid-summer I was successful at walking the two miles to my office and asking someone to give me a ride home afterwards.  I started to listen to podcasts, TedTalks or audio books which added to the experience.  

Mid-summer I had the idea to find a three-wheeled bike and strangely enough, the first specialty bike shop I called had one!  Bill's Bicycle Shop in St. Paul had a used trike with electric assist, alleviating some of my fears that I wouldn’t be able to handle hills or would tire too quickly to get myself home. It was hard to pedal but before too many tries I was able to ride it around a loop in my neighborhood to visit garage sales and even to the grocery store and back (the back basket came in handy!)

I often had to remind myself to hold my head up and cut short the voices in my head cat-calling and tsk-tsking about what an obese woman looked like out trying these activities.  Many times I’d hear people make judgmental comments as I walked by, but the shouts out of car windows while I was riding my trike were the worst. Some days those voices would get the better of me, and I'd decide to stay in, but often enough I went ahead anyway and soon found it getting easier and easier to not care what I looked like when others saw me.  Instead I felt some pride that at least I was doing something with a semblance of healthiness to it. 

For the past two summers I’ve walked two miles to and from work several times per week or to a store or restaurant.  And I’ve rekindled my love of swimming and am grateful my townhome community has a wonderful pool just blocks away. Last summer I upgraded my trike to a two-wheeler and can ride an invigorating six miles.  I participate in a small group fitness class once a week with a 3Click Fitness trainer and really miss it if my schedule doesn’t allow it.  And I went canoeing twice with my kids in August-- so cool!

It’s all been so worth it.  Since losing so much weight (159lbs now) I'm naturally more active and love it.  When I don’t get active on a daily basis I feel like my day is lacking.  And most of the time I don't even think about the fact that I'm exercising-- I'm just out enjoying the day, relaxing, or getting from one place to another.  Has this activity helped me lose weight?  Yes, I think so. But equally important are the other benefits that include increased strength and stamina, stress relief, and sunnier moods.

My Bright Line Life

So what do I eat to continue losing weight and love doing it? I’ll tell you exactly what I do as long as you promise to keep reading to get to all the benefits I’m also going to list.

I follow several boundaries referred to as “bright lines”:

• No flour of any kind including almond meal, coconut flour, etc.
• No sugar of any kind including artificial sweeteners including stevia, honey, syrup, agave, dried fruits, fruit juices and alcohol.
• Three meals per day comprised of bounded quantities eaten at roughly the same time each day; never skip a meal, no snacks.
•  Plan and commit to my meals for the next day.
• Time meals to allow for an overnight fast of at least twelve hours.

So while these bright lines might strike you as overly restrictive, there are some key benefits. And unlike other times I've diet, staying on plan is actually getting easier and easier with each passing day! I've even given up my Diet Pepsi habit with a smile on my face.

I don’t, for example, count calories or carbs or eat meal replacements, but I do eat wonderful and filling meals. 

I don’t run into situations where I’m staring into the refrigerator trying to figure out what I’m going to have for dinner or waste money on fast-food.

I engage in physical activities and exercise to improve my overall mood, increase body strength and balance, and for the enjoyment of it, not for the sole purpose of losing weight. I walked to and from work several times a week all summer because I found it was a great way to start and end my workday!  I now average 8,000 steps per day, go to a fitness class once weekly, and do strength training at home once or twice weekly.  I'm planning on trying yoga soon.

I don’t worry whether I’ll need a seat belt extender on an airplane or if there will be enough room for me to slide into a tight restaurant booth. And I do still eat in restaurants.

I don’t have achy joints, headaches or heartburn, nor have I had so much as a cold. 

I’m no longer constantly on the prowl for the next weight loss solution be it a pill, a diet or therapy.

I can go to any clothing store and find something in my size; and I’m doing that a lot lately because I’ve got to replace all my clothes from last fall and winter.  How fun is that?

And I don’t worry what my doctor is going to say about my weight or blood test results when I go in for a check-up; in fact, when I last saw her in July she hugged and congratulated me!

Bright Line Eating is about so much more than just what you do and don’t eat or how much weight you can lose.  It’s how to set yourself up for success over the long-haul by creating a healthy lifestyle with emphasis on development, self-care, emotional health and, most importantly, and being part of a supportive community of others who also finding success in managing their food struggles and addictions.  I participate in twice monthly coaching calls led by Susan Pierce Thompson. I’m in touch with a small group of women on a near-daily basis to share successes and challenges, and I participate in a very active Facebook group comprised of hundreds of women and men across the globe.  I have access to tools and materials to help me learn and be prepared in case I cross one of my bright lines.  I can reach someone on Susan Pierce Thompson’s staff with any question or need; her staff of 22 is very responsive.

I cannot emphasize enough that this is not a diet. I don’t worry about when I’ll reach my right-sized body or exactly what weight that will be, but I do know that the Bright Line program will be there to guide me forever as I maintain a happy, thin and free life.

**  Update October 9, 2016:  the video series is no longer available, and the registration for the October bootcamp has closed.  I'll update here when the video series is available again. The next bootcamp is likely to be January or February 2017.  **

If you’re interested in learning more about Bright Line Eating I encourage you to get it straight from the founder, Susan Pierce Thompson, in her video Rewire Your Brain For Food Freedom.  This is the 3^rd video in her series The Psychology and Brain Science of Sustainable Weight Loss.  She’ll explain more about the Bright Line Eating and why it works. She also provides info about the quickly approaching October bootcamp which is how I got involved and kicked off my weight loss.  

The bootcamp registration will be open for only a few days beginning Monday, September 26^th.  The registration period is short because the bootcamp is an intense, high-touch program that can only accommodate a certain number of participants.  

You might be wondering about the price to get started; I’ll let Susan deliver that information.  I didn’t know it when signing up of course, but seeing where I am today compared with February, I would have gladly shelled out three times this much! So realize it might be the very last time you spend money on a weight loss solution. In addition, since I’m now a “Bright Lifer” I’m able to offer any family, friend or acquaintance a $150 discount; just get in touch with me before the registration deadline. I'd love to be your buddy as you start your bright life!

The Food Freedom Quiz which includes the 1^st video in the series and the 2^nd video are still available for a few more days; I’ve included links to them in the right siderail of this blog page.

Willpower And Weight Loss

Countless times I would proclaim that I'm going to start making better food choices and stick to a plan once and for all.  I'd get all organized about it, trying to get myself psyched up for "day 1", and I could generally get through three or four days of making healthy choices morning, noon and night. But as Friday approached I'd feel myself slipping, relying on snacks during the day to prop myself up, the fast food drive-thrus looking more and more tempting than the dinner foods I already had at home, and often feeling unsatisfied after I'd already eaten dinner to the point of returning to the kitchen to find a snack.

Sometimes I'd make it through the weekend and somehow feel energized enough to continue sticking to my new food plan right through that second week.  But instead of getting easier, it felt like I was pushing a boulder uphill all the way.  I'd feel tired of it, deprived, and asking "why me?"  It seemed that with each new day I could get off on the right foot with breakfast and even do well at lunch time, but by late afternoon and certainly by dinner time I would start to cave. Soon enough my choices would just spiraled back to my poor but familiar old habits.  By this point my inner voice was not only giving me permission to eat whatever I wanted at meals or snack time, it also seemed to urge me to indulge more because, after all, I'd been so "good" in the hours or days prior.

So then I would also feel blindly upset and disgusted with myself. I felt inept, unworthy, and in a very blue mood.  I'd say to myself over and over some variation of this: "You're a fairly intelligent, motivated and goal oriented person in many other aspects of your life so what the heck is WRONG with you?!"

**  Update October 9, 2016:  the video series is no longer available, and the registration for the October bootcamp has closed.  I'll update here when the video series is available again. The next bootcamp is likely to be January or February 2017.  **

When I watched the second video in Susan Pierce Thompson's free series I finally understood what was going on and why I couldn't stick to a plan even though intellectually I knew how vital it was to my long-term well-being. In this video she points out that I mistakenly thought my willpower would get me through until new, good eating habits would be instilled. She helped me realize that there is nothing wrong with me!  Instead the assumptions I had about how to diet and make good choices would not and could not work for me and in fact were often working against me.

Click here to watch this video.

When you go on a diet do you end up in a cycle similar to what I was?  Do you find you just can't seem to "be good" over the long-haul no matter how committed you were at the start?  Do you attribute all your extra weight to those late afternoon snacks or night-time eating as a way to unwind after a long day?  If so, this video titled "Don't Make The One Mistake Most People Do When Trying To Lose Weight." will likely uncover the fatal mistake you're making. While this video is about 40 minutes long, it's worth the time investment as no doubt you'll have a few "a-ha!" moments and be able to see the cycle of "good" and "bad" choices (what I like to refer to the "hamster wheel of dieting") in a new light.  And like me, you'll probably end up feeling better about yourself just from having the truth shared in this video.

The first video "Conquer Your Hunger and Cravings" is still available, and you can reach it by taking the Food Freedom Quiz.  Yes, you need to provide your email address, but you can opt out anytime, even right after you've watched the video.

Thank-you for reading this and hearing my story. I received many comments from my first post and feel so humbled and grateful for each and every one of you!

I've lost over 880 pounds

Yes, that's what right:  eight hundred-eighty.  Instead of being a source of pride, it represents the most significant disappointment and shame of my life because I struggled desperately to lose it, and once I did see some progress I simply couldn't hold on to it very long.

Overweight since my teen years and put on my first diet by the family doctor at 13, I conservatively estimate I've lost hundreds upon hundreds of pounds over the course of 42 years.  At six times during my life I lost a significant amount but each time returned to my pre-diet weight plus some additional pounds.  I was perpetually on a diet, or over-eating between diets, and very likely started new diet regimens more than 300 times.  I don't think I could even name all the different diet plans I tried over the years.

By all other accounts I think I'm a productive and successful middle class, middle-age woman living in a large Midwest metropolitan area.  I finished college in a weekend program in my thirties, have done well career-wise and earn a consistently comfortable living.  I raised two amazing sons who are now independent adults and are also successful in their educations, careers and lives, and I remain a close part of their lives.  And if it weren't for the weight issue I might be a success story and "living the dream."

But exactly who was I fooling?  Anyone with half a brain in my life over the course of a few years or more didn't need to be told I was struggling with weight issues.  Perhaps they saw me as a wounded, suffering individual who didn't value herself very much.  The phrase "she carries her heart on her sleeve" comes to mind because I seem to be the opposite, shrouding my frame with excess weight as if to hide what was so very evident to the world.  And I did not think I could ever, not ever, make any significant and lasting dent in my weight problem.  I had all but given up three years ago.

Fast forward to 2014 when I had hit a new phase of my life.  I was well settled into my new job having been let go from Star Tribune after 29+ years. While I had always felt satisfaction from the many hats I wore there over those years, I was perpetually stressed. My new job as Business Analyst was closer to 40 hours per week and with no staff and fewer demands.  My sons were well on their way toward total independence, and I had moved out of our family home in 2012. I decided to make another weight loss journey.

I managed to piece together a customized approach to improving my health and lost 100 pounds over the course of a year. But it was a struggle every single day.

But just as I reached that milestone, and before I had adequately prepared myself to continue on the weight loss journey, I ran into a tough year.  My job heated up with longer hours and more demands, leaving me with far less personal time. And my mother nearly passed away from an infection and related complications.  I was relieved she pulled through, and I stepped up the amount of time and attention I devoted to my parents during her long recovery and moving them into a new home. While it was truly a privilege and honor to have provided this support to them during perhaps the roughest time of their lives, it took a toll on me.  The combination of my job and the situation with my parents left me with little personal time or energy, and many personal projects and needs unanswered.  Then after my mom passed away in November 2015 I was emotionally drained and totally lacking any motivation for self-care.  True to what I had experienced my entire life, I found myself back up 40lbs by the time my son married in January 2016. 

I began again to desperately search for the weight loss magic.  I re-evaluated having weight loss surgery like gastric bypass, but again reached the conclusion it wasn't right for me.  My problem was less about food and more about my brain.  Even in my darkest moments I knew could lose weight... I was a pro at it.  I knew what to eat and how much; I JUST DIDN'T DO IT.  Why in all other areas of my life did I have the will to accomplish things yet with my own body I seemed powerless?  Without fully realizing it, what I sought was freedom from spiraling out of control, the discontent in my head, and the rampant self-doubts.  I wanted to be normal with food. 

Two weeks before my February birthday I was checking my junk e-mail and by chance opened one that referenced Susan Pierce Thompson's video series on the Psychology and Neuroscience of Sustainable Weight Loss that included the Food Freedom Quiz.  The video series helped me understand that food addiction is real-- as real as alcohol or drug addiction, and what drives it.

She explained the science behind it and why willpower doesn't work. I learned that obesity is just a symptom of the addiction, and there many normal- weight people dealing with food addiction, too.  The quiz helped me realize how susceptible I was to this addiction.  I didn't know it at the time, but that click from an email was likely the most profound one of my entire life online.  I believe it saved my life both physically and emotionally. I'm finding my way through this life challenge and have lost nearly 80lbs since. And I'm still losing.  I've found the magic-- like a switch has been flipped in my head.  While I still have to work at sticking to a sensible diet, it's never been this easy before. Most importantly though is that I am on my way to being healthier, happier and freer than I have been in decades!

I'm still working toward finding my right-size body, but I feel like I've already arrived.  I'm thrilled with my progress and feel truly blessed.  I am compelled and so excited to share what I have learned with others living with the same hopelessness of yo-yo dieting and food insanity that I have.

Regardless of the number on your bathroom scale, you might feel some craziness or emotional ties to food. If so I encourage you to take the five-minute Food Freedom Quiz.  You'll enter your email address to get your results as well as access to the first of three videos in the series Psychology and Neuroscience of Sustainable Weight Loss that explains the science behind this craziness in terms you'll understand, why you haven't been successful managing it, and what you can do about it.

Each week the next video in the series will be released, and I'll be sure to post a link here. These videos are short-- about 20 minutes each-- and are not a hyped-up internet sales pitch.  There's real and valuable content here delivered by Susan Pierce Thompson with not only the credentials and the research to back her up. She's also someone who has lived the hell of several addictions her entire life.

Invest in yourself.  And if you do I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback.  If you take the quiz and share your score with me by commenting here, email, or private Facebook message I'll share my score with you.